Stars: 5
Glitch why are you reviewing Robocop to Chapie and not the original? Isn't that an unfair comparison?
What's up internet: Today I'm going to do my review of Chapie and compare it to Robocop. {blah blah}
The scene where (Spoiler alert) this assclown, distraut, proclaims that "There's nothing left!" "noooooooooooo.wav" and all I could think was "jesus...there was nothing but a heart and lungs of this movie anyway...
What am I supposed to say? This movie accomplished exactly what it set out to do. Squander its potential and spend the budget on marketing. It does exactly what it proclaims to be...a passably watchable action flick, and nothing more. The three step plan: Rip off old work. Half ass everything. Rake in the cash. I'll bet those smug fucks even patted themselves on the back as a bonus step.
This movie was so ridden with uncreative tropes and cliche plot lines it wasn't even funny. I really mean this in a literal sense. It wasn't funny. Even the few fleeting comic relief moments were just direly in need of some better writing. In fact, this movie may well have been better suited (no pun intended) if it had gone the route of Iron Man and actually embraced the comedy.
I think it's a crying shame that what could been a much darker, grittier, more profound and intricate story line was instead reduced to lowest common denominator action figure or comic book level--and not in a flattering sense. Now before anyone tries to cut my internet throat over that statement and tell me "But Glitch! It's supposed to be cliche! It was a comic" I have news.
People of Intent....The comparison you are making, in this straw-man argument with myself, is that because a movie has been done before and because media exists in a cliche and narrow scope in a similar capacity or name, that the writers should cast aside all aspersions to be innovative or make an insightful and meaningful movie with impact. Sure not every movie aims this high...but why the fuck do we excuse the bar so low?
We could have been given a masterful work of fiction...
Instead, we were shoveled shit in its truest sense. The directors and writers and producers laughed at all us all the way to the bank. They even had gumption to put Samuel Jackson in as himself in a parallel universe to introduce the movie.
Let's compare this to other movies before comparing to Chapie...
The Avengers: This movie, although not in my top 10 favorites, was pretty damn good. The action was amusing, the characters, however played out, are compelling or at least engaging enough. They're fun. They're unique. The writing in terms of dialogue and diction is spot on, and the tone is consistent for what it is--a super hero flick. The averages is a good movie. The ending, as can be expected, concluded it nicely and sent us off with a satisfying bang (and a secret trailer at the end!)
Robocop: This movie, easily in the bottom 10, was pretty fucking awful. The action was half-assed and the danger never felt real.
http://imgur.com/gallery/vFRISBn
The characters, or lack thereof, yanked and demanded the spotlight with their flashy CGI suits, and then proceeded to do precisely nothing novel. The writing in terms of everything was horrific and so far off the mark they even threw in a tone breaking Sam Jackson sequence to close. It's felt like the writers flipping off the audience, not sending a message. There was nothing remotely satisfying about Sam Jackson dropping the F bomb.
Terminator Salvation: A movie that suffered from a few flaws, but overall made for an engaging, albeit a bit overly cliche and plot lacking experience. The CGI was decent, notwithstanding some cartoony parts, and the character arcs believable. It brought to question a few profound questions about man and machine and where the future will take us. Well executed, although still not something to write home about.
Robocop: A movie that died from its fatal flaws and made no attempt to stop bleeding. The CGI was akin to video game graphics, which I'm sorry Superman and {something else}, but that just doesn't cut it in 2014. We've got movies like Transformers 4 and dare I say it Jupiter Ascending. Mixing Guardian's of the galaxy cartoony fantasy graphics with Robocop just isn't working for me...
The character not once faced an enemy, be that an evil robo-cop, an assassin, a government agency. The character was simply thrust into a world where we are left to grasp at straws as to the bigger implications, while see the world through the narrow and extremely trite view of man's wife. When the POV literally switched to the wife, I knew there was a problem with more than just the tropes and poor execution of social {qusetioning?}. But we'll get back to that in a minute
Anyway,
A fucking love story as the main engine behind ROBOCOP!? A cybernetic man suit killing machine sociopath judge fucking dread shoot 'em up metal crusader and you're going to fucking go with a LOVE STORY?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS?!
You have a character, who similar to {Who} in Terminator Salvation is LITERALLY A HUMAN MACHINE and the most you can think to fuck with is his relationship with his wife and son? Who gives a fuck! Show us the politics besides a half-ass plot device called the "Drifus" act, flimsy and uninteresting police "drama" (the 4th amendment mentioned exactly never), or just the ever present evocation of the proverbial badman...DRONNNESSS ARE SCARRYYY D: D: D:
This movie felt like diving into an empty pool and it broke my skull just trying to reconcile what I'd just watched. This movie poked so little at the personal struggle or moral implications inherent with this type of technology that I just accepted defeat.
Instead, this movie poked at the social implications like a dead animal. What I mean is, the plot took a backseat to what we've seen a hundred times in more elegant form in movies made in the last 5 years alone. That's right. THE PLOT TOOK A SECOND SEAT TO THE BULLSHIT. Like Ro-Bro...are you even trying?
Terminator, {Other movies with A.I.}. This is nothing more than the common denominator smashed into your brain at 100 miles an hour.
There wasn't even a car chase scene.
The bad guys in this movie were basically just ...the same bad guy as every fucking movie...
And the good guy is just as Dreadful. *rim shot*
What makes a good movie is the ability to disguise these questions and implications, not flaunt them around and shake for an audience to see. That's hostage taking. It's not profound. I want my money back.
http://imgur.com/gallery/5y8yq -- Although I claim no credit for this, I think it's pretty funny and wanted to share.
_____
Chapie here --
Next video we'll discuss -- "I'm horrified to imagine Ghost in the Shell with Johanson has Motoko. "
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